What are the Best Monster Dildos in 2023?

When the moon is full and the werewolves are howling at the night, a primal hunger awakens within us. Just like the zombies that darken our dreams, we are ravenous for…no, not for brains… for the best monster dildos of 2023! These monstrous pleasure givers are bedroom beasts that will have you screaming with equal parts horror and pleasure.

From the depths of the abyss to the heights of ecstasy, here are our top four monster dildos that are ready to tease and torment you this year.

1. Kyle & Lane Blood Red Double-Headed Dildo

Double, double, toil and trouble! As soon as we feasted our eyes on this delectable duo, we were absolutely hooked! The Kyle & Lane Blood Red Double-Headed Dildo is a  two-for-one special that is perfect for all you mucky multitaskers as it offers not one, but two separate dildo heads. With a large head measuring a whopping 22.5cm and a smaller head at 10cm, this beast provides twice the pleasure for everyone looking to experiment with partner play, one-hole DP or simultaneous vaginal and anal penetration.

This two-headed terror is not just for show, though. The realistically textured shafts provide incredible sensations with the bigger head reaching deep inside you to hit all your most elusive pleasure spots. Designed in the sultry red colour that has made the Blood Red range so popular, the Kyle & Lane Double-Headed Dildo is both devilishly delightful and sinfully seductive.

red double-head dildo


2. Unicorn Horn Punch Pink Monster Dildo

It may feel unfair to describe the majestic unicorn as a monster but there is no doubt that this awe-inspiring dildo is an absolute monster of a sex toy. With an astonishing 46cm length, the Unicorn Horn Punch Pink Monster Dildo is the longest dildo we have ever seen, and it's ready to take you on a wild, spiral-textured ride.

The Unicorn Horn features a tapered shaft, starting at a slim 5cm diameter at the base and ending in a pointed tip, making it ideal for exploring new depths. And for hands-free play, this magical creature comes equipped with a suction cup base, allowing you to stick it to any flat surface and experience the mythical horse ride of your life. In fact, the Unicorn Horn is so long you can stick it to the wall of your living room and ride it in your kitchen!

Ultra-flexible and made from 100% body-safe platinum silicone, the Unicorn Horn Punch Pink Monster Dildo is a whimsical addition to any toy collection, promising unparalleled pleasure and just a touch of erotic enchantment.

pink unicorn horn dildo

3. Werewolf Tongue Punch Pink Monster Dildo

The Werewolf Tongue Punch Pink Monster Dildo is the second Punch Pink toy on our list but it is a truly unique creation. This one-of-a-kind beast boasts a tongue-shaped design, offering a simulation of Lycan oral sex that will have you howling with delight

Measuring 25cm in length and a massive 9cm diameter at its widest, the Werewolf Tongue is a huge dildo that goes deep and stretches at the same. Its real tongue texture provides a lifelike experience while the 100% platinum silicone ensures a comfortable and safe ride. An incredible sex toy in every way!

werewolf tongue dildo


4. Syrax Blood Red Squirting Dragon Dildo

No list of monster dildos would be complete without a dragon dildo, and the Syrax Blood Red Squirting Dragon Dildo is the fire-breathing beast you've been waiting for. This fearsome creature boasts a 21.5cm length and a heavily textured shaft adorned with blood drops and scales, creating an experience that's as thrilling as it is visually captivating.

The imposing blood-red colour of this dragon dildo only adds to its allure, while the exposed tapered head is perfect for deep-reaching penetration that will take your breath away. But the pièce de résistance is the integrated pump, which allows for serious squirting action. The Blood Red range has a few squirting dildos, all of which are among our favourite toys, but the Syrax is one of the most visually stunning and functionally exciting dildos we have ever seen. 

blood red squirting dragon dildo


Final Thoughts

So as our epic odyssey through the realm of monster dildos comes to an end, we hope we have given you some randy retail inspiration. With these four mythical beasts at your command, you can traverse the dark side of desire and give yourself some monstrous climaxes. With so many amazing monster dildos already lurking on the lusty market, we are wet with excitement to see what the rest of the year has to bring! Happy 2023!